Phwoar and Peace Read online

  “Oh no worries. Who’s saying I would have liked him, anyway. Thank you for trying.”

  “Well, if there’s anything else I can do. You can always come look at the books to see who else is free. If you join the agency, we’ll be able to input your details. You’d have prospects coming out of your ears, I’m sure.”

  “I’ll think about it.” Her stomach growled. “So, any chance you’d buy me a piece of haddock from the chippy?”

  I finally returned to the office and dropped a latte off with Lucy who didn’t even look up to say thank you. Then I called Samara, Ebony, and Jax and told them that they’d better make sure they’d done what they’d promised for the wedding reception and not to expect too much in the way of gratitude from the newlywed.

  I stayed behind a little to get caught up on work. The truth was I didn’t feel like going home if I was about to witness World War Three. Finally, when I could put it off no longer, I whizzed back to the farmhouse.

  I found my husband admiring the craftsmanship of Charlie’s chair. The piece was spectacular. So much so, that I only received a cursory hello from Theo before he went back to looking at it.

  “Thank goodness that this does still look beautiful out of the sea.” He said. “I do believe I am going to commission your boyfriend to make a chair for each room here on the bed-and-breakfast side. Could you bring him here, or take me to him so I can discuss this? I may even get him to do headboards for each room. Oh the possibilities.”

  Charlie looked at me from over her father’s head, shrugging her shoulders.

  “Well, you’ll see him at the wedding reception on Friday, won’t you? You can talk to him then.” She told him.

  “Oh, yes. Of course. Perfect. That gives me time to go around the house and make a list of what I might like him to make. Splendid. Thank you, Charlie. I’m excited. Seems you have a good one there after all.” He patted her on the shoulder. “Right, I’m just off to my office for an hour.” With that, he left the room, kissing my cheek on his way past.

  “What the hell just happened? He’s been possessed. Where’s your real father?” I asked Charlie. “We said to look out for unusual behaviour and there it is.”

  “Mum, he said he understood that I had grown up and realised he was being stupid, and that he didn’t like it, but as long as I was happy and Kai treated me okay, he would try to make peace with it. Then he stared at the chair for an hour.”

  “Well, thank God, because there’s enough to do without fearing your father is going to lynch your boyfriend.” I proceeded to tell her about Mark being in hospital.

  “Oh that’s awful. I can’t say I’m keen on him, but Debbie seems okay these days. It must be a worry.”

  “Well, apparently he’s joined a gym to try to tone up, among other things. Sounds like he’s overdone it. Anyway, I don’t know about you, but my arse wants to sit itself on the sofa and watch television.”

  “I’m going back to Kai’s.” She told me.

  I smiled. “You might have been as well leaving that chair where it was.”

  She grinned back. “He’s making me another for at the cottage.”

  Stepping forward, I wrapped her in my arms. “Go on, you get going and enjoy yourself. I’ll call you if you’re needed for any Withernsea woes. If I don’t see you before, I’ll catch you Friday at the reception. Eight pm at Jax’s.

  “Wouldn’t miss it for the world. It’ll be nice for us all to get together for something good.”

  If only that had proved to be the case...

  Shelley

  In the end, my Female Entrepreneurs do it with their Colleagues girlies had knocked it out of the park. Samara had decorated the cafe in soft pinks and whites. There was heart-shaped bunting, pretty white lace vintage tablecloths, heart-shaped confetti, and soft mood lighting. Jax set the buffet out against the back wall. The food was laid out in sections catering for all species. When the bride and groom arrived, Frankie was dressed in a sharp, navy blue suit; and Lucy was wearing the most gorgeous white satin dress. It had thin straps, a glittering bodice, and the bottom of the dress was covered in white feathers. On her head was a small tiara, and her bobbed, ginger hair had been styled in ringlets by Charlie. Most of us had arrived before the newlyweds and so on entry we all burst into a round of applause and cheers. Tristan had taken charge of the music and Bruno Mars' ‘Marry You’ played out across the cafe. It was very unnerving to see Lucy beaming, but right now the most massive smile shone on her face as she clasped Frankie’s hand and walked around greeting their guests.

  I’d been sure to reserve a space for Kim, and she was currently sitting on the cafe sofa. Darius’ mother was looking after the triplets for the evening and Kim had given me a full-blown account on how hard it was to express milk for all three of them and get it bottled up for her mother-in-law, and that she hoped we all realised what she sacrificed in order for Lucy to have a good time. At that point I’d made my excuses and had gone to check if Jax needed any help.

  I needed to make my own contribution now. While the newlyweds were in the cafe, I needed to whizz to their house and get their bedroom prepared for the honeymoon night. I let Theo know where I was going and then I whizzed through to their house.

  I appeared in the hallway and the first thing I noted was the sound of a cat screaming. Maisie! Shit! It sounded like Maisie was in trouble. I ran upstairs and headed in the direction of the spare room where the wails were coming from. Kicking open the door, with my blue webs at my fingertips, I found a tabby cat mounting a black one.

  “Oh my fucking god. I am so sorry.” I backed out of the room quickly. On the landing, I took a deep breath, and made my way to Frankie and Lucy’s bedroom. I sprinkled rose petals across their bed and hung a 'Just Married' banner on the wall above the headboard. From my bag, I took out two engraved champagne glasses–one that said 'Mrs Love' and one that said 'Mr Love' and placed them at the right-hand side of the bed on the bedside table, along with a bottle of champagne. At the left-hand side of the bed I placed a box of chocolates.

  The bedroom door opened and Maisie walked in. She didn’t have on a stitch of clothing, and her black hair was mussed up.

  “Oh, so that’s why you're here. Shoot, I totally forgot, it’s the wedding reception, isn’t it? I’d better get dressed for it.”

  “Well, just for you to get dressed at all would be a bonus right now.”

  “God, some of you are just so prudish. You know this is how you were born right? This is your natural state. But I’ll put some clothes on. Could I catch a lift with you back to the reception? It’ll be a lot quicker if you do that whizzing thing.”

  When she did get dressed, Maisie returned dressed in a tight black lace dress that left little to the imagination. I was about to tell her to change into something else when my phone rang. I looked down at the caller display to see the name Debbie flashing. For a split second I thought about ignoring the call because there was enough happening right now, but concern that my father could have taken a turn for the worse made me feel guilty so I answered.

  “Hey, Mum. Is everything okay?”

  “Oh, Shelley. Things are not good at all. I honestly do not know what to do. Your father has begun to speak, but it’s all nonsense. He’s telling them he’s been possessed by the devil and that it was the devil who left him there in the library. All this supernatural stuff and the worry has obviously got to his brain. They’ve called in psychiatrists. It’s so upsetting, Shelley, I just want to cry. He’s clutching my arm, eyes wide and fearful, begging me to believe him.”

  This was all I needed right now. “Well, hopefully, the psychiatrist will be able to get him on some medication and soon you’ll have your old husband back.”

  “Well, I hope it’s not my old husband. I hope when he recovers he’s back to being the one he’s been this week. Anyway, he’s demanding to see you, saying that you can help him. He believes you can cleanse his body of the evil.”

  “I’ll come and see him in
the morning. Right now, I’m in the middle of the wedding celebration for Frankie and Lucy. I suggest you try your best to get a good night’s sleep and we’ll see what tomorrow brings.”

  “Thank you so much, Shelley. I’m still at the hospital. But at least now I can tell him he'll see you in the morning and that might settle him for the night.”

  Ending the call, I sighed.

  “What was all that about?” Maisie asked.

  “Nothing that can’t wait.” I told her, “Come on, let’s get back to the party.”

  The party was in full swing by the time we returned. I’d just let Theo know I was back, when a middle-aged guy walked towards me. His hair was short and pale blonde and he was on the plump side with cherubic rosy cheeks. It crossed my mind that maybe his cholesterol might need checking sometime soon.

  “Shelley Landry?” He queried, holding out his hand.

  “Yes, that would be me, and you are?”

  But as I took his hand in mine, I became completely full of the warm fuzzies and love for everyone, so I knew who he was before he said it.

  “I’m Cupid.”

  “Oh my goodness. What an honour. I am so very pleased to meet you.” I actually curtsied to the guy.

  “No need to do that, my dear. I wanted to come to see you about the recent hiccup with a couple of my employees. I got wind of the wedding reception, and couldn’t resist calling in. Lovely buffet. I have congratulated Jax on it. Simply delightful.”

  “Oh, okay.” I tried to form more words but my mouth just opened and closed without managing to produce anything of worth.

  “Love a good buffet. I quite often crash engagement and wedding celebrations. Perk of the job.”

  That certainly explained his appearance. Hopefully, his kind of supernatural didn’t have to worry about potential heart attacks from eating too many fatty foods and sweet treats.

  “Erm, are you wanting me to close my dating agency?” I asked him. “Is it interfering in the world of Cupid?”

  He laughed heartily. “Oh goodness me, Shelley. No, not at all. You’re helping bring love. No way do I want you to stop. No, if anything this spat with Samara and Rebecca has done Cupid Inc a huge favour.”

  “It has?” I couldn’t be any more confused right now.

  “Yes. Rebecca came to see me. It appears she’d had a lovely little chat with your daughter. Little smasher you’ve got there and she and that boy with her are destined to love strong. I can feel it. Anyhow, back to the chat. Rebecca has suggested that my cupid team begin to specialise in the people you can’t get dates for. So anyone who for whatever reason is struggling to be matched up, just let Rebecca know and she’ll get on it.”

  My brow creased. “Rebecca? Not Samara?”

  Cupid’s face went stern. “Samara has not been doing her work properly for a while now. She is being sent to training school in London, and then will be placed on probation in Cleethorpes for a time. There are no dating agencies in the area and she will be set a series of challenges. I have to show the rest of the Cupid reps that they can’t get away with being lazy and acting stupid about it.”

  I’d thought it was strange that Samara had dressed the place up and then left; and had yet to join the party. She must be well pissed off at having to leave her home. She loved Withernsea.

  “However long she is gone for depends on her. Rebecca is only covering the area temporarily along with Hornsea. Hopefully, Samara will learn her lesson and return to deal with your truly undateables.”

  He looked at his watch. “Right, I must dash. Lots of celebrations on a weekend that need my attention. Until we meet again, thank you, Shelley, for bringing love to the world.” He touched my arm. “Hopefully, I can bring some extra love to yours.” A feeling of warmth zipped through my body and once again I felt the love for my family and friends amplified. With a wink he walked out of the door.

  Walking over to my husband, I took his hand in mine. “Want to get out of here soon, Theo?”

  “I’d love to but I think we might be missed. We need to stay until the end.”

  Theo never wanted to stay at a party. I realised he was watching Charlie and Kai. “Let them just get on with their lives.” I held his arm.

  He placed his hand over mine. “Oh, I just haven’t had a chance to talk to Kai about the furniture yet. I hope to do so before I leave. Only the sooner he gets the order done the better. It’s not going to be long now before I open our B&B, Shelley. I’ve been designing and ordering the brochures today.”

  “Theo, that’s fantastic. Okay, I’ll get Charlie. I don’t think she’s had anything to eat yet, and you can chat with Kai.”

  "Thank you. That would be most helpful."

  Charlie looked over at the buffet. “Mum, is Jax trying to tempt fate, because that looks like a large plate of sausage rolls to me?”

  I laughed. “She’s become addicted to the ones Rebecca sent Samara. She was annoyed that she couldn’t eat one of them in case they had been poisoned, so she took the card and ordered some herself. I think she’s going to add them to the cafe’s menu. I presume Ebony’s sausage roll predictions are over and done with now, and we can once again enjoy a good roll.” My daughter sniggered. Then she looked around the room.

  “Mom, why is Dad directing Kai out of the doorway?”

  My jaw dropped. “Oh, shit. Your dad is bloody clever, I’ll give him that. I completely fell for the ‘I want him to make the B&B furniture' malarkey. I’ve been hoodwinked." Legging it over to the doorway and out into the street, I saw Theo had poor Kai held up by his shirt collar.

  “You have claimed my daughter’s innocence and now you shall marry her.” Theo hissed. His eyes blazing red.

  “Dad, oh my god, Dad. Put him down.” Charlie screamed. When Theo didn’t take any notice, she thrust out her blue webs and peeled him off her boyfriend. It was the first time I had seen her in control of her powers and I realised that the work she’d done over the last few days had paid off. Theo looked shocked as he stood there wrapped up in his daughter’s handiwork.

  “Could you let me go, Charlie, please? I’m only doing this for your honour.”

  “Theo. You were not a virgin when we married, and neither was I.” Yet again, I felt I should put my fist in my mouth to stop myself from digging a deeper hole. Oh God, even my thoughts were inappropriate. I hoped he hadn’t heard them as my guard was down. A hiss told me he had, so I immediately blocked my thoughts off.

  “Dad.” Charlie then did the weirdest but most amazing thing. She sent out an icy wisp that traveled down her father’s body and cooled his temper. His eyes went back to their normal brown and his fangs retracted. “What you have just done to Kai is inexcusable. He has been nothing but a gentleman from day one, and I seduced him. You understand that? I’ll say it again. I. Seduced. Him.” She kept him wrapped in tendrils of the cool wisps. “Last night, Kai proposed to me, and I accepted. TAKE THAT SMUG GRIN OFF YOUR FACE, DAD. I’ve a good mind to unaccept it now, but I can’t because I love him too much. Now please can we go back inside and enjoy the party?”

  “Now you want to enjoy the party?” We turned to find Lucy and half the guests outside. “You announce your engagement at my wedding do. Talk about a topper. Not content with being Queen and taking my husband's attention from me, you want to take the attention away again tonight too. Disgraceful.” Lucy stomped off back inside.

  A terrifying, chilling scream came from indoors and we all ran in to find Ebony on her knees, looking in severe pain while clutching her head. “The heat. The heat. Oh my god, I feel like I’m burning from the inside out.” Her eyes went wide and then rolled up in her head and she passed out. The new Satan walked through the door.

  “Oh dear. My apologies. I’ve not quite got the hang of controlling my heat levels on earth yet.” He said. “Sorry to intrude but I wondered if I might have a word with you, Shelley?” He spotted the buffet. “Oh my, it’s years since I’ve had a good British buffet. Do you mind?” He looked around. />
  “Help yourself.” Jax told him.

  We walked over to the table and I watched as we both dived for a sausage roll at the same time. Our hands collided and I recoiled at his touch, getting a reading of who was really in the body of the new Satan.

  The old one.

  His expression told me he knew, I knew.

  “It was nice knowing you. Actually that’s a lie, you’ve been a pain in the arse from start to finish. See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya.” He said, and he sent a shot of flames out in my direction.

  The pain was so bad. My last thoughts were that I’d forgotten I was no longer the powerful wyvern I used to be. Now I was only a witch/vampire hybrid. Everything went black…

  And then everything went white, and I was standing in a completely white room at the side of Angel Sophia.

  “Oh my god. Am I dead?” I asked her.

  “Shelley, you’re already dead. You’re a vampire.”

  “Oh yeah. Well did I succumb to his flames though?”

  “No. He needs to stake you through the heart. Always has been overconfident that one.”

  “So where am I?”

  “You’re in a holding bay here in heaven. You were wrapped in hellfire which is agonizing and I was asked to bring you up here to keep you comfortable until it leaves your system. We only found out fifteen minutes ago that he was back. That he had taken over the body of the current Satan.”

  “How did you find out?”

  “Hell has changed drastically in the last few days. It had been running more as a democracy and then all of a sudden, we’re back to having a tyrannical, egotistical leader. It wasn’t rocket science to work it out. What I don’t know is how he’s managed it.”

  “I broke my agreement with him. I matchmade my sister with Drake. A human and a supernatural.”

  “Well there must have been a glitch in the system because once vanquished, he should have stayed that way. Not been able to be brought back. The elders are looking into it. However,” she picked up a scroll from the seat beside her and passed it to me. “While you are here, read this. We have had student scholars reading the ancient files and transcribing them onto more modern systems. This is from our archives.”